Rugby Union fans took time out from drinking Bombardier, wearing salmon-pink trousers and worrying about the credentials of their child’s tutor, to lap up Hull FC’s opening game of the 2017 season.
The three fans enjoyed the game against Wakefield from the South Stand, where they discovered the concept of attacking rugby, engaging in regional accents and something called ‘Bovril’.
Ringleader, and excellent fop, Mr Clarence Fellweather-Crisp, said: “We ventured north for the Kiplingcotes Derby but we were a whole month early! Mega-cripes, I know.
“Super good luck though. Boffo found some local ruggers for us to witness in Wakefield, before we retreated to his father’s shooting estate near Hawes.
“He said that the town’s got a Grade 1 listed cathedral and everything, so we knew we were in for a treat.”
‘Boffo’, who can’t name more than four of England RU’s starting line-up, said: “I originally thought Wakefield Trinity would be an excellent choral ensemble. How shocked I was, we all were, but I must say: what serendipity!
“There were four penalties in the first half alone, all kicked too! I had a ‘Tetley’s’ and talked to a man called ‘Kev’. Wowzers.”
The third member of their party, who was clearly from the aspirational classes, and may or may not have been their butler, said: “Sir and Sir have really enjoyed the experience. I think they assume the locals have taken to them, but I’ve just spent a full five minutes bribing a group of kids not to chuck all their shitter Revels at them.
“I do wish Clarence would stop saying ‘Eyyyy Oooop!’ in a loud voice and looking around beaming to see if anyone answers him.”
The game itself, played by Rugby League players, to Rugby League rules, in the spirit of Rugby Union, was a throwback to the days of mud, slog and gumption.
Wakefield regular Cappy Jim added: “It was bloomin’ ‘ell out thar. Made me misty-eyed for the days of Liversedge and Broughton Rangers. Night out in Runcorn anybody?”
Meanwhile, Hull KR didn’t appear in this story, as they’re in the Championship.