Everyone secretly delighted Hull and Rovers playing no part in #Hull2017

Following Lee Radford’s negative response to the near-exclusion of the city’s Rugby League clubs from Hull2017, Up the Cream! can reveal that most people are secretly over the moon.

Despite the omission of the city’s oldest, and most successful, sporting institution Hull FC, this oversight also guarantees Hull Kingston Rovers aren’t further exposed to the wider world.

The club, which chose to exclude itself from Hull’s landmark City of Culture year – through an essentially self-inflicted relegation, are finally vanishing into obscurity.

Hull FC fan Johnny Westside had this to say about the news: “It’s crackin’ like, I mean, I know we won’t be involved much because of this, but just imagine people in Edinburgh, London, or Paris seeing a 15-year-old mum of three kicking a Salford fan in the face? Not in my town.”

Conner Flake, a marketing and brand analyst for Hull firm Haworth-Gardener & Co. explained their brand image. “Well, it’s not the best. It’s an almost toxic mix of obesity, pitch invasions and institutional uppityness. Something like a cross between the world’s most annoying little brother and Scrappy Doo.

“It’s so much easier to promote the city without them. Everyone loves ending slavery and really small windows. Hull KR though, not so much. They’re just a tough turd to flush, due to their notoriously ridiculous name.”

Karen Righton, another delighted FC fan, spoke to the fanzine yesterday: “We’ll be totally fine. Chances are we’ll be in a cup final or two, on Sky most the season and rocking around in the Super 8s come the split.

“Such a shame we’ll miss that day out in Blackpool though. A crying same. It’s the Benidorm of the North that place.”

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About Airlie Undercover
Part-time mascot and full-time bird. Airlie spends his weekends eating worms, vocally protecting his territory and regurgitating oily fish for his young. A huge Hull F.C. fan and proud owner of an MA in Journalism from Fareo Isles Polytechnic. He spends his weekends as an undercover hack, finding the stories that matter to you, in black and white.

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