Here at Up the Cream! we have a healthy disrespect for robins and all that they stand for.
It makes this time of year a tough one for any self-respecting Hull FC diehard – what with the little red breasted bleeders on trees, cards and atop chocolate yule logs the size of Minichiello’s biceps.
Just to make that festive period a little easier, here’s our 5 top tips for a robin-free xmas.
1. Ask Santa for a Sky Sports subscription
Not only will this get you all the action from the cup winners, and from the Super League, in 2016, but it’ll also be almost 100% Robin-free.
2. Fall out with the relatives
Brexit or Remain? Quality Street or Roses? Hate Trump or REALLY hate Trump..? There’s nowt like a good Christmas row.
Why not keep your eaststander Uncle Red Breast out the dripping and off the Yorkshire puddings by online trolling him with videos of Gareth O’Brien’s drop goal. That was a true miracle, Christmas or otherwise.
3. Poison bird feeder
What has a simple common garden robin ever done to you?
Not the point. It’s what they represent.
4. Watch the 2015 Challenge Cup Final
Great for a robin free experience. As basically none of them turned up.
Worth missing the Queen for.
5. Use a Black marker pen to colour in any robins on Christmas cards
If one must adorn their house with a robin card or two then black marker pens are excellent for drawing little black and white scarves on them.
They can also become Christmas penguins reasonably easily.
Not all Robins need rally round the rovers.
May all your Christmases be black and white.